Beggars Can’t Be Choosers
One night, I was sitting in the staff bar at a luxurious resort when I got a call from my boss. He tells me there is a VVIP guest of the CEO who will be staying at the last minute. It was too late to Google this guy. I was preparing a few shots for the road, so I changed back into my uniform to meet him on the pier.
He arrived shortly after midnight, and within minutes I could tell that he was a high-energy eccentric straight from a Hunter S. Thompson novel. He decides right away that my name is Dimitry. (It’s not). He tells me he has to prepare for his friends who are coming by boat from another island.
To show his friends the best view, he needs several bottles Dom Perignon and a few canapes. He also needs an electrician to install some floodlights outside his villa. His shirts need to be sorted by color in his closet. He calls me after he has showered and requests that the villa be cleaned. I then arrive with the housekeeping. My immediate reaction is shock.
He has used up all the shower gels and shampoos in the bathroom. There are also two rolls of dental floss. This man is definitely a mutant. He tells me that I should meet his friends at the hotel and bring them to the bar so they can book their spa treatment for the following day. Ok, fine. I’m going.
Three hot girls are his friends, along with a guy who looks like an amalgamation of Keanu Reeves and Brad Pitt from The Lost. He is a son of a big-time Hollywood director. As requested, I bring them to the bar. He calls me shortly after to tell me he wants me to take them to his villa. It’s now all decorated and floodlit.
He begins to tell the girls that he has a private jet, and jokes around with them about how they should fly on his plane, instead of the director’s, to Paris Fashion Week, har, ha. Around 4:00 am, they finish their fun. I go to bed. He called me at 8:00am to tell me his breakfast order. He wants an omelet, with all the fixings, sunny-side up eggs, scrambled eggs, cappuccino and tea, as well as any fruit juices that we may have, a fruit platter, cereal and a newspaper.
I thought I’d already dropped off his friends at their boat. That meant that he had ordered all of the food himself. He asks me to remain and keep him company. He then calls his secretary, who I assume to be his personal assistant on speakerphone. He starts reciting from memory numbers from a recent report. He asks her why there is a discrepancy between two reports, and she blames someone named Peter.
He tells me he has to pay his bill because he is leaving the evening he arrives for his friends’ massages. I go to his villa and take the payment. Then, I transport him to pier. There are four housekeepers who are waiting for the handouts. He paid for the villa, then looked each one in the eye. His reaction will stay with me forever.
He shoves his hand in his pocket and flings a bunch bills on the floor. “Dimitry, this is just for you”. We then went to the pier. You weird, strange man.
